October 2010
13 posts
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Do you want to know a secret?
What do you do when you love someone who is completely wrong for you?
I should just let it go, shouldn’t I? I wish this was easier.
I think he’s already given up on us. I think he’s seen that we just don’t work. That he functions in a way that I don’t understand and vice versa. And logically, that doesn’t equate to a functional relationship. And I hate that.
...
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Alone.
And it’s something so silly.
That this feeling inside should grow the way it does -
So strong and powerful. So much so that I cannot get it out of my heart.
Then it shrivels up.
I feel very alone.
And I am alone.
I feel like I’ve lost - not everything - but so many things that were important.
I don’t have a close friend anymore. There’s no one in my life that I can...
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“I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.”
– Edna St. Vincent Millay
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Love song.
I want to cry.
I just want to release this feeling and let it go once and for all.
What do I do now?
Who do I turn to now?
How could you do this to me? How could you drag me into this again when you knew you didn’t have the time or the love for me?
I just don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t know how you want me to react to this.
I feel like I’m pulling in all...
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You are beautiful.
When I look at photographs of you, everything becomes tangible.
My fingertips run the cloth of your sweater, and I can feel the cool cotton rumpled between my thumb and index finger.
I know that sweater. I know that texture. And I pretend that I’ve stepped into the picture to be with you.
My fingers trace the outline of your chin, and I can feel the scruff that has sprung life upon your...
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When We Were Young and Virtual
dearoldlove:
Our relationship was largely virtual. And we were too young. And you never loved me. But you are the only person I have ever loved, and I just can’t get over you.
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Miss.
I miss having you in my life.
I’ve had dreams about you. I had a really powerful one a couple of weeks ago.
I was hanging out with you, and I think we were back together. And we were sitting on your bed, and you leaned over and put your head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around you, and we just sat there.
And I started crying really hard.
In previous dreams, when I started crying,...
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Know.
I want you to know that I have loved you most of my life.
I don’t know what it was on that first day. I often think back to it. And I know, you’re not supposed to live in the past, but back then, I was so happy.
Sometimes I wonder, “Was all of this worth it? Were we supposed to meet and go down this long, and sometimes incredibly unbearable, path together?”
I think about...
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I had an epiphany the other night.
I was just thinking about all the times in the past that I got mad at guys. And why. And I thought about relationships. In general and in terms of the kind of person I was. And I realized that I thought I understood “love.” And I thought I understood that it wasn’t a fairy tale, but I was really shallow in my understanding. When I was in relationships, although I cared for the...
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Prayer.
God give me strength.
Because I deserve to be with him dammit!
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Here comes the cold.
I can start to feel the beginnings of fall, and all I can remember and all I want is your arms wrapped around me like they were before.
It’s a very strange longing, but I know why I yearn for it.
And it’s for all the wrong reasons.
